I will die and no one will care
by Ikana Katsuragi
Summary: So cute boy, but so vicious mind. You can't know Takeru's feelings, may be he has two faces, or may be he doesn't even exist. Involves sex and drugs and prostitution. Caution please.
1. Chapter 1

**I will die and no one will care**

_Warning: This is a yaoi fic, it is now on your screen because you may have picked two males and a romance and angst category. So don't look at it if you don't like it. It involves drugs, sex, alcohol, adult language and of course sex between males, who? I don't know. Incest? May be._

_Standard Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, not a single one of its characters. I didn't create them, I only use my imagination for my own heart content._

_(A/N: This means author note, the author here is, well, ME. Sometimes I get confused with my own argument, so, I'll tell you if I make a mistake.)_

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**Chapter 1

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**

- A free subject essay? Why is the choice so open?

-I don't know, don't ask me, ask somebody else, I'm not the teacher.

Takeru was walking with his friend towards the cafeteria, talking about the homework the teacher of English has just left.

- He doesn't have idea of what he is teaching.

-Takeru, why do you always have to complain? The easiest the best, so shut up now! –Daisuke said while they joined their friends, who were waiting for them in a table, all together, Ken, Hikari, Iori and Miyako.

-Hey guys you aren't fighting again, are you? –Hikari said.

-It seems like so, but I don't care –Takeru answered, he looked annoyed and wanted to get out from there as soon as possible.

-So… -Miyako started –Are you ready for our camp this weekend?

The faces of the kids became bright and started to talk happily about it. They've been planning this picnic for over a week, and this time, the grown ups wouldn't be around bothering. Well, that is what Daisuke said, and most of them agreed, except Takeru, who didn't say a word, but deep inside him, he knew those trips were the only ones available to see his brother, spend some time with him, and most of all, with his brother's boyfriend, but Takeru had never said anything about his crush, to anybody.

So that was one of Takeru's secret. To be in love with Taichi. The truth would break all kind of relationship between his brother and him, and he didn't want that to happen. It would break the friendship between Hikari, Taichi's sister, mostly because he knew she liked him, and to say that he didn't love her would be rude. Also it would tear apart the thin relationship that exists between him and Daisuke. He knew he doesn't like gay people, not like a homophobic one, but always kept away from Taichi and Yamato, just like in this camp.

So he was alone, no one to share his suffering, no one to tell the truth, no one who can comfort him. No one to bring him back to the reality. The worst part was that practically he was his brother's rival, almost enemies, but the love for his brother was bigger than his crush, so it didn't matter. Plus, the fact that Yamato was older and had always been a closer friend of Taichi, and that he was more handsome and popular… he scolded him self for thinking he could have a chance.

- None in a million years…

-What? Takeru, you should go home really… -Daisuke slapped him on the head.

He was day dreaming. He had done that more frequently some weeks ago. What kind of dreams? Oh, don't ask me… you know what kind of dreams. The image Takeru had of Taichi was the one a boy should have of his father. He loved him because of so many reasons, most of them freaky and insane, and so others as childish as him self when he was 5. But Takeru has grown up now. He wasn't thinking in cuddling, he wasn't thinking in kisses in the forehead, not the loving words he used to hear from Yamato when he was little. No… Takeru was sexually active at the age of 14, and lost his virginity by sleeping with a 20 year old male. Who? He didn't even know.

-What is your essay going to be about? –Daisuke asked, trying to bring Takeru back to reality.

-Prostitution… may be… -Takeru answered with a dark expression.

-Prostitution? Wow! And what are you going to say?

-It's my homework, ok?

Takeru was tired of Daisuke. He was the kind of guy who liked to lead, but never did it properly, the kind of guy who had his ego in the stratosphere, and never came down to see his mistakes. Of course, the rest of their friends didn't share that thought. They used to say Daisuke was their best friend, that he shared him self with everyone, open minded (not very much, as he doesn't like gays). Takeru wanted to arrive home as soon as possible, and quit from this jerk.

When he was at home, his mom wasn't there. It was a hot afternoon, and because of the weather, it might rain that night. He wasn't tired, not sleepy either. So he relaxed him self in the couch, turned on the TV and after seeing anything interesting, he started to scribble down in his notebook some good points he would use for his essay.

He got very inspired in it, and after thirty minutes of writing. He finished it.

_Prostitution_

_By Takeru Takaishi_

_Prostitute.- (also informal **hooker**, old fashioned **whore**) _noun_C a person, especially a woman, who earns money by having sex with people –pros-ti-tu-tion / _noun _U_

_From Oxford American Wordpower Dictionary. Oxford University Press. 1998_

_The oldest job since the Creation, the cheapest, the most expensive, the most demanded, the most silenced about, the sin, the vice. What does it take to became a prostitute? According to statistic, most of the girls who had left school because pregnancy or parent abandon, had thrown their selves into the business of the flesh. From all over the years, it has been illegal, forbidden, but not enough to make it disappear._

_The price of the occupation varies according to the establishment where it is exercised. If one works for their own, it is easier that the customer pays less, while there are certain places where the owner charges some commission to give the seller rename, in which case, the paying is higher. _

_It also varies from country to country, according to the age, sex, race or nationality, according to the area in which one works, or the socioeconomic class that goes to respective establishment. _

_Nevertheless, while it is illegal, the occupation will lack a fixed payment that persons can have, as if they would have with any other work. And mostly because there isn't any kind of life insurance that covers the medical expenses, during the exercise or when they are requested, due to the propensity of acquiring viral illnesses whose cure is very limited and mostly permanent._

_The preservative use is required if one works in an establishment or center. Any contract is not signed and if the person works for him/her self, a checkup will be made at least every two months, according to the activity that has had._

_Psychologically, there are many reasons of why a person decides to sell her/his body in order to earn some money. First: the need. We can not know what kind of situation a person is running through, not if his/her scholar situation can give a chance for get another kind of job, of if there are more persons like senile, children, or handicap people, who depends economically on the one who is working in prostitution_

He read it once more, and after getting satisfied of his writing, he left the room and took a bath.

Ring, ring…

"Fuck"

-Takaishi's residence. Takeru's speaking.

_-Hello? Akira? I didn't know that was your name?_

-I've told you not to call home, you have my cell!

_-Very sorry Mr. Darkened Alley. Do you wanna get out of there? _

-Sure, why not?

_-Is your mom there?_

-Not currently, but she will be here soon.

_-Oh, I see. Then I'll pick ya at six and then I don't know… how does that sound?_

- It's fine to me. As long as you pay, I don't have cash today.

_-Don't worry dude, who is your daddy? Haha, I'll see you later._

-Okay, and, Shigure, don't forget the shit.

_-You bet not_

He places the phone on the table and sighs.

-Jerk.

No, he wasn't the guy who fucked him for the first time. He has just been dating Takeru for less than a month and things were definitely sexual between them. So they were lovers, although Takeru never felt in love with him, but his addiction to sex has been growing since then. He didn't mind the fact he was dating an older guy, on the contrary, he loved it. He was a precocious boy with very insane thoughts. Anyways, no one had ever noticed. His mom was pretty sure his little baby still pure and clean. The same thing his friends and his brother used to think. But that was an excuse, because nobody really knew him.

Was Shigure handsome? Umm, kinda. But he paid well, and satisfied Takeru enough to making him stop thinking about Taichi. When he didn't see him in a whole week, he started to day dream of Tai raping him. So he used to say Shigure's little secret was necessary for keep him controlled.

Yeah, Takeru was a prostitute; a personal one. Among rich and popular gay men Takeru was known very well, and very demanded too. Known as Akira, his cell phone number was as forbidden as drugs, so he never asked for the job, he was just… well... special stuff. And he liked to keep a relationship with a guy until he got bored. It was a different kind of prostitution, but he liked it, although he wasn't happy enough to forget Tai.

-Why didn't you tell me your true name? –Shigure asked when Takeru jerked the car's door.

-Cause I don't want publicity among inappropriate people.

-They will catch you, you know?

-Can we go now? –Takeru replied annoyed.

-I haven't got the shit.

-And what are we waiting for?

-You're getting harsh with me Akira, I mean, Takeru.

-Don't- ever call me like that –Takeru pointed out meanly, got closer, placed his lips on Shigure's lips and breathed sexily. -Let's go before mom arrives.

After this they arrived at Shigure's department. Takeru drop his backpack on the table and threw him self on the bed.

-What do we have today? –he asked.

-Mmm, just coke. Milan said he was fucking over watched for heroine. Some stupid assholes were selling it at Ninth Route and they were caught. Milan is having a rough time.

-May I see it?

-Only if you take it.

-And how am I supposed to check it?

Shigure laughed to him self, and handed Takeru the little plastic bag. Takeru spotted a table and poured the content of the bag on it. He picked a dollar from his wallet and rolled it in order to make a straw. He inhaled the white dust.

-How is it?

-Good.

Later, after Shigure emptied him self and Takeru got enough fucking, the clock stroke nine and the younger boy slipped from the bed and went home.

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_How was it? Tell me I shouldn't be writing this please!! I have important things to do!! But well, if I don't my mind explodes. Make a review please. Thank you._


	2. Chapter 2

**I really am sorry to up grade some years later, hahaha!! It is just that my fiction will never grew up with me and I am getting older… and I have to confess I have never written an essay because English is not my first language… so I have never been graded for writing one of them, hahaha, I guess I should be better in spanish, but fiction sounds prettier in English, so I'm very sorry if I sound like an idiot with my terrible grammar. Thank you very much for reviewing!**

**Sadly, I don't own Digimon or any of its characters**

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I will die and no one will care

Chapter 2

From Takeru's diary:

"_I will promise my self not to let me go with the kids again. The trip was so fool… I wonder when they are going to grow, and besides that, the fucking teacher called me for writing the prostitution essay, it was not very bright, but it didn't offend anyone… now I have to deal with that, with Daisuke and his fuking grin, and with the flirting of Hikari… next time she dares to look at me in that way when we are alone, I don't know whether I tell her I don't like her of fuck her until she stop liking men. What else do I have to remember my self? Oh yes, to not give my house's phone number ever again… stupid Shigure had made laugh of me since the day mom picked the phone… and to stop going to Taichi's matches… I hate my self for being such an asshole, but I can't keep my self from drooling whenever he appears, I'm afraid that, one of these days, my secret feeling will became an obsession, and if in one of those days my state is not exactly sober and clean, I will commit murder, rape or suicide, either of which will get me into jail or into madness or into death"._

- Looks like your brother and Tai are not getting along very well

Daisuke looked kind of amused when they were eating lunch in the cafeteria. With his hand holding his own chin, he pointed with his eyes where Taichi and Yamato were, hoping Takeru would make some kind of reaction. However the blond young boy didn't seem to notice, and kept reading his book while carrying a piece of chicken with the fork to his mouth. Then he spoke.

- As if you cared. I thought you hated seeing how they got along.

- Well, yes, but Tai has been acting weird lately, as if something is not going well between them –wondered the other boy.

- I haven't heard my brother complain, and I really don't want to talk about them right now –Takeru said before looking up to see Hikari and more girls approaching –I'll see you in… ehm… French.

- French? Do we have French today? Hey!

Meanwhile, Yamato's and Taichi's conversation was not as short as their friend's. They have been going through a stress period after Yamato was not the leader of his band anymore. The blond one used to keep him self hours in the library, reading and making exercises until midnight. Taichi instead, kept him self busy on the field, practicing and fooling around, sometimes alone, sometimes looking for company, but as time passed, he wondered if Yamato's new life project would fit with his own. And now, while they were having this little argument, he wondered if he had ever had a project of life and doubted about his feelings for the blond.

The arguing never got to a conclusion, and Yamato, with the guilt building upon his chest, stood up with his bottle of water and left the cafeteria leaving his lover with thousands of questions in his head.

It was Friday, and Taichi refused to stay home at night, so he dressed as if he would go out with Yamato, picked his cell phone, keys, money and a jacket. He drived with no direction, and turned the streets randomly, not wanting to arrive to anywhere. He then found him self in one of the most expensive blocks to live in the city. He wondered if he could find a bar to drink a beer or two and to meet someone he wouldn't ever see again in his life. The thought of sleeping with another guy made him eager to find one. His relationship with Yamato was not over yet, so it would be called cheating. The idea turned him on and parked next to the bar that looked the nicest of its surroundings.

The place was very chic. It wasn't that crowded, but he guessed it was because it was for older people or it was very expensive. He didn't care for any of those reasons and stepped inside. He was asked for reservation, and as he had none, he paid the guard for more attention. When he finally was in, he set him self on the counter and asked for his so-called beer. It tasted good enough for the money he was going to pay after all. But looking around, it was kind of hard to find someone who wanted to screw freely. He was not, sadly, getting laid that night, and felt sorry for him self until the bartender asked him if he was waiting for someone or was looking for anyone. Taichi, as if his failure was complete now, once convinced the bartender was just being nice, and as he found there were gay couples, he couldn't stop him self from answering.

- I'm looking for a male prostitute.

The bartender didn't seem to be surprised at his answer. Taichi guessed it was common these days to find people with his same need. But his eyes widened when the man stopped his glass cleaning duty just for handle him a little presentation card.

- He is just about your age, you may like him. People come here in order to meet with their old lovers, but I haven't seen this guy lately. I've heard many compliments of him. He's expensive, but if you are nice to him, he can even drop his current relationship just for be your own whore.

- So he is not in here? –Taichi was now more than curious to meet this guy. The bar tender had just said "just about your age", how in first place would the man guess how old Taichi was? And in the second, how come is that practice so common in a place like that?

- No, he is not. He comes only when he want new customers because he doesn't have an Id.

Wow, now that was weird. That was almost children prostitution. If he was not going to call him just because the man had said it was expensive, now he just wanted to get to the point of these. However, there was no chance to denounce it, and if so, it was not going to be him.

- And how is he known in this kind of circles? –Taichi was asking too much.

- Hey, it's just information I receive from where you are sitting, consider your self important, because I don't give that kind of attention to common people. It is just that you looked as lonely as him when he comes to the bar. Akira even sits in the same place you are right now. Feel free to do whatever you are pleased to.

Taichi looked at the little white card with silver letters printed on it. It was just a ten digit number. He was freaking out just to find out who this guy was, not caring if he was or not sleeping with him that night, but his excitement turned to uncertainty as the number he had just dialed in his cell phone changed it self for a name already recorded in it. He dialed again, completely sure the silver number was the same of the one on the cell phone screen, and felt dizzy as the number turned into a name, just as the first time.

Takeru was moving up and down, completely drugged and delighted, when his cell phone started to vibrate.

- Fuck

And both cell phones hung up the call.

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**It was short, I know, hope you've liked it. ****Next chapter, I don't know when… I will do my best, I promise, you've encouraged me to write again… Thank you for your comments, I appreciate them all!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Many months again, I know... but can't deal with school as I used to before. Now, into the story, I really appreciate the traduction help, but if I don't write the thing in English, my mind doesn't work, but again, thank you very much.**_

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I will die and no one will care

**Chapter 3**

From Takeru's diary:

"_Why did he call last night? That is the only question yelling in my head. As I know we don't have any kind of shared business more than being the sibling of his boyfriend. But it was 3:00am. At least __Shigure didn't ask for it, explanations at that hour wouldn't be very welcomed. Now I don't know if I should ask for the motive of his call, or wait until he asks. Shit... I sound like a fucking whiny girl"_

In French class, Takeru felt asleep. Not for boredom but for exhaustion. Daisuke couldn't help it, so he let his partner sleep comfortably on the desk, pretending to be practicing words with him. When he wanted to ask what was going on, Takeru simple picked his books and slammed the door after him when he left, leaving a very confused and hurt Daisuke.

- What's wrong with you?

- None of your business, will you stop following me? –Takeru stopped walking before arriving to the cafeteria.

- Just tell me what's going on with you lately – said Daisuke in order to match his hurt wet eyes.

- ... I... I'm sorry... I'm tired, that's all – Takeru finally realized how mean he was acting, and with a grin he apologized and went back to the exit door, leaving again a very confused and hurt Daisuke.

Outside, the sun was burning the skin of the football players. Taichi was in the middle of the field, daydreaming. It was not the first time it happened that week, not since he has been through the proccess of leaving Yamato. He wasn't sure why he kept thinking blond, but didn't realized it until the mysterious silver number. Just by imagine the picture of Yamato's younger brother offering a blow job, turned him on. It was stupid, and probably umprobably, either because the number was wrong or Takeru's cell phone had been stolen. Anyways he wasn't brave enough to call, and of course Takeru would know who was calling since he had both his cell phone and home number.

-Yagami, you stupid fool!!

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- Mom, I told you I don't want to spend time with my brother, if I would like to, I would look for him whenever I want, and it looks like he doesn't want to see me either, so why do you bother?

Takeru was again, in the middle of a rage. That day was awful, and called Shigure to cancel his visit. No coke today, but at least he would have a long quiet night of sleep. He thought it could be a good idea to visit the club the next day. Also he was getting tired of Shigure, and looking for some new flesh wouldn't be so deplorable. Yamato's lack of calls have also made him wonder what was going on between him and Tai, or whatever. He really missed his brother, but it was stupid to show any kind of affection towards someone who barely say hello when they meet by accident.

He slept that night thinking in Taichi dialing his number, as he had seen him dialing Yamato's number so many times. He dreamt with Taichi calling him asking for his services, he dreamt with Taichi asking for a blow job, he dreamt with Taichi asking for a fuck.

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Takeru made up a silly story to get permission to sleep on a friend's house that Friday. He was running out of any kind of substance from his body, so he picked up a taxi and dropped near the club he frequently visited. He didn't look that young. As his mother didn't see him when he left, he dressed with a dirty-blue pair of jeans, navy-blue striped white long sleeved shirt with two buttons unbuttoned, up and down, and black shoes. His hair was messy, but shiny, and was wearing a very expensive wrist watch and some silver chains on his neck. The club was kind of crowded, some people were wating on a line, but Takeru simply stayed next to guy opening a packet of cigarrettes and lighting one of them.

- Want some? –Takeru handled the packet to the big man with a hand and drag from his own cigg with the other.

- Sorry Akira, can't smoke while "working" –the big guy crossed his arms, sorrowfully.

- So do I –the blond smiled with the cigg between his theet and the big guy, knowing perfectly what Akira's job was couldn't help but giggle.

- Are you coming in? –finally asked by putting the chain of the entrance right away.

Takeru looked quickly for the bar. Oh, there it was, the same as last time, and lucky, with no other people around his favorite seat.

- Hey you, long time no see – the bar tender approached happily and placed a beer on the bar inmediately.

- Been busy, silly stuff –Takeru thanked with a nod and drank from the bottle placed in front of him.

- Still with the same? –the bar tender asked quietly.

- Nah, will drop him ASAP, want some new friends, you know.

He gave his back to the man and gave a look to the place he was in. Many girls, many fucking breasty girls. He sighed and turned back to the guy from the other side of the bar.

- Had anyone asked for something?

- A guy came this week. He looked young. Gave him a card, did he call?

- ... No... I guess –his first monosyllabic word was enough for him to understand how wrong he had been until then, but he dared and asked for more information – Was the guy cute?

- I wouldn't say cute, the cute here is you. He was more kind of athletic, tanned and messy haired –Takeru raised an eyebrow – he was fun, because he asked for a "male prostitute".

Both started to laugh, but Takeru's laugh was more from nervousness than amusement. In that moment a tall brown short haired guy approached and asked for two drinks for him self and Takeru. Takeru smiled and drank from the new bottle placed in front of him.

- Akira, right?

- Yeah, how can I help you?

- I need no help, I only wanted to get some talking with you.

- Really? Mmm, talking sounds great but, you know the night in summer is shorter than day, so I prefer to talk when the sun is up, don't you agree with me?

Next two minutes Takeru was on the leathered backseat of something that looked like an expensive shit of car, as he had named it before, legs spread around this guy and pumping him self rithmically and speeding faster with each pump. He tried avoiding kissing, but as he was meant to be a good lover, he prefered to let him self be kissed on the short surface that his skin allowed. Then he came on his own shirt, he knew perfectly, as experience had made him understand, customers are often married, and wives doesn't like to wash up cum from their husbands' shirts, and even if he wasn't that eager to come with a stranger, he also knew perfectly that men are always pleased when they know they have pleased their partner.

Are you married? –his first question was.

No

And after finding out what was the name of this guy, he stepped outside of the car, a little more wealthy than before stepping in.

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- It's official, your brother and Tai broke up

Lunch at the cafeteria was as boring as classes, except for the fact that Daisuke always had something reserved for that time.

- So what?

- I don't know, I'm just saying. You think they had sex already?

Takeru almost choked with the piece of apple he was supposed to be chewing. Daisuke's question was made with the same normality a homework question would have.

- ... sorry... ahm... what did you say?

- That if you think they had sex when they dated

- I don't know, I don't care, Daisuke, you really need to get into your own business and not wandering looking information about sexual activities.

- Well, that is because I have no kind of sexual activity, do you have some?

- Oh, come on! – Takeru's exhasperation was enough to get him up from there pulling Daisuke with him and grabbing him to their next class.

- Shit, I forgot my book

Daisuke entered the class as Takeru quickly returned to his locker to look for his forgotten book, but had to run because it was getting late. He crashed over someone as he slipped from a corner and pushed their bodies hardly against the opposite wall. Thanks to the very nice luck he had, the person was no other than Taichi and helped him self to get out from that embarrasing situation.

- Hey, I haven't seen you around lately, how've you been? –Taichi's start of conversation wasn't very usual after crashing against a wall, but Takeru had to answer.

- Busy? Well, it was nice to see you Tai but I'm in a hurry.

- Oh, sure, but, uhm, I wanted to ask you if you still had the same cell phone number I have. –Takeru's heart started to beat faster and couldn't stop Taichi from grabbing his own cell phone from his pocket and dialing a number which had previously been dialed, in an instant, the gadget started to vibrate inside Takeru's pocket. He could not do anything than take it out from his pocket without breaking a false connection between his eyes and Taichi's, grab it with his hand and pressed the red button.

- Yes... it is...

The blond stared with eyes wide open, and without saying a word he stepped backwards for a few meters and then quickly dissappeared by the corner trying hardly not to run. The tanned boy remained in silent, actually with nothing in his mind, and with the silver printed card safely placed in his pocket he headed directly to where Yamato was supposed to be that afternoon.

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_**End of chapter 3**_

_**Long enough this time, right? It is so hard to get a plot in here. Hope you have liked it. Thanks for reading! I appreaciate suggestions. **_


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks for reviews and comments, those are the things that inspire me to write. I'm sorry this chapter will be short._

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**I will die and no one will care**

**Chapter 4**

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When Takeru arrived to his locker, he opened his bag and emptied in it everything he was keeping there. It was hard for him to breath, and didn't know exactly was was he going to do.

_"They will catch you, you know?"_ That Shigure's phrase was echoeing in his mind like one of those songs you can not get out of your head.

_"He was looking for a whore_" That was the answer his mind gave in return, trying to justify the reason of why he was just caught. It was stupid to stay home waiting for nothing to happen, the same it was stupid to explain Taichi whenever he dared to ask him, IF he hadn't dared to tell anybody else.

"_Of course he will tell Yamato"_ His mind spoke loud again.

But what his mind didn't want to say out loud, was that Yamato was also a perverted born. Maybe he copied if from Yamato him self. Those mental pictures in his mind had been covered with pieces of some other scenes made by his own. Yamato was 20 when Takeru lost his virginity, and he never talked about it, nor even worried if the younger boy could blame on him, because he had known he had liked it, and because he knew no one would believe such lie.

Now his heart was afraid of any decision Tai would take, and any action Yamato would do. If Tai didn't say anything to his brother, he would have to deal with the person he desired the most. If he did say something, Yamato would either tell his mom and he would be totally and terribly screwed up, or he would come and question his activity and ask him to stop it, incluiding any other illegal activity, or (what seemed the best and most reliable option of hope) he would like to have one session for free.

But any of those schemes of paranoia rescued him self from the eternal loss of Tai. He was now meant to live (or not) with that emptiness, and wasn't sure if he could do it by his own.

He would have to think of a solution on his way to wherever he was heading. Then an idea crossed his mind, but hesitated when he realized he hadn't paid fee to the club he was supposed to work in. And now, more than ever, he really needed at least any kind of shitty crack.

Takeru stayed frozen in front of his locker. He was so absent in his mind that when he closed the door, one of his books fell down, but the noise of the metal crashing covered the noise of the fallen book, and after retriving the lock and the key, he abandoned school.

Meanwhile Tai was getting tired of looking Yamato, as he wasn't where he was supposed to be, now that they weren't together anymore, the blond must have felt free to shift his activities in order to continue with the new project of his life. Suddenly his foot kicked something and sent it a few meters away across the surface of the hall. Curiosly he picked it up, it was sort of a book, sort of a notebook, and after reading a few lines from the middle of one of the pages, he placed the little card he was holding in the middle of the book, and closed it. His itinerary changed, and went home instead.

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­­­Yamato was cooking dinner comfortably at his department. His father was out on business and Taichi was finally gone. He had the whole night for him self, and was wondering if he could either watch a good movie or call some stranger to spend the night with him. The first choice was very nerdy, but as he had missed several party Saturdays he didn't have any number of any guy he had liked. His mind was busy thinking if he would like a comedy or a porn video, or if the chicken he was cooking had enough pepper, when the door bell rang. He approached to the door and looked through the peephole.

- You must be in really big trouble if you dared to visit me.

Both blond guys sat on the sofa, relaxing them selves. Yamato offered the other a drink, and the younger accepted with the condition that both would drink some.

- Is dad out?

- Yeah, for this night, you staying for dinner?

- Sure, why not? Are you expecting some one? You haven't told me about your Taichi's business, uh? – Takeru inmediately regreted saying "business" as he didn't know if Yamato was already aware of Taichi's discovery.

- Buisness that are not yours, you know... – Yamato seemed pretty relaxed, and Takeru felt his brain recieving a hit of coke – I got bored, that's all.

- I see... –the younger was now sipping from the ice cool orange juice and vodka he had on his hands currently – are you with somebody else?

- Nah, I guess... –Yamato swallowed his beverage – I'm too busy with school, that I don't even realize that I'm alone now... except for... ahm... this hours of the night, you know...

- I get your point, and may be... that's the reason why I'm here... I don't know... I guess I feel kind of lonely – the lie in his voice didn't affect on Yamato's ears, and so he believed his younger brother.

Some more sips from their drinks, some more glasses that emptied the bottle of vodka, and the blond and the blond were kissing, lying on the couch, with not any kind of common sense in their intoxicated brain and solitary heart. They kissed deeply, as Takeru wasn't used to, and stripped down to nothing, as if it wasn't the first time they were going to share a bed as lovers, of course, because it was not.

Kisses this time were a very big "exception" in Takeru's function mode. He had already thought he would like to get laid with Yamato again, fully aware of the situation and fully willing to show him how good he was when concernin to sex matters, he wanted to show his big brother he wasn't a kid to take advantage from.

Yamato entered the younger boy without hesitation and without any kind of lube, but as Takeru had worked with his brain a few minutes ago in order to get lubed and relaxed, he was so professional he didn't need any. Takeru had always liked to be on top, so he could finish quickly and with less effort, so he shifted positions and started to move as his own pace, wondering what Yamato would be thinking of him right now, anyways, both were kind of drunk. Suddenly, he asked a not so comfortable question.

- Did you ever... nhg... fucked... nnn.. with Tai?

- I'm not a uke... Takeru, as you seem to have a lot of practice being one –the older replied, and the boy bouncing on him answered saracstically in return.

-And you seem to have... a lot of... practice being a... mother fucker even if... you never fucked... with him...

Yamato didn't answer this time. Instead, he grabbed Takeru by the waist and pushed him off from himself and onto the floor, and without any warining but forcefully he pushed hardly and deeper into the smaller body, making it squirm and pant, and from time to time, made it cry out loud. Takeru was recieving one of the biggest fuck of his life, and so he came after a few series of those powerful thursts, but had to wait until the man above him had also finished, and when it happened he climbed up to Yamato's neck, feeling another arousal coming. Then both separated to different sides and relaxed, panting and breathing heavily. Silence arrived when they had rested enough, and so Yamato broke that silence.

- What do you want? –he didn't even bothered to get to a decent position.

- Your silence – Takeru was now pulling on his clothes, calmly, waiting for Yamato's next question.

- What are you in? – The older brother raised up, to a sitting postion and climb on to the couch, covering him self with the rest of his body.

- Nothing bigger compared to incest – Takeru was fixing his hair now and looking for his bag, in order to get from there as quickly as possible.

- You are either guilty, can not blame on me – Yamato's frustration was obvious, because he knew Takeru was right, even so, he remained sat.

-Oh yes, I can.

And in less than a second he turned the key of the lock of the door and closed it behind him, and walked calmly with out looking back, as he was now abandoning a naked, confused and guilty brother.

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_How was it? Hope you have liked it. Short, yeah, I know. but I wanted to end this chapter this way, hey! I now have a plot!! And I'm so happy for that. Thanks for reading!!_


	5. Chapter 5

**I will die and no one will care**

_**After almost 4 years, I'm updating. Well, I'm almost in a medical residence and I continue doing these things. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but as time passes I forget my own plot, and it's hard to continue. Ok, enough of apologizes. Here we go.**_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, not even my soul.**_

_**Rated: M (language, sex and drug abuse)**_

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**Chapter 5**

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Taichi arrived home as soon as he could. It was Friday again, he was still alone, with no one to spend time with, and now he was grabbing some kind of diary. Holding a cold glass of soda, he sat on his desk and started reading the diary.

"_It's not the first thing I write in this silly girly notebook, I've already wrote thousands of unsent letters to that fucking bastard. I had to burn them 'cause I didn't want to remember what I felt. But it keeps coming, and I can't help it…"_

Taichi looked for a name in the first two pages, hoping to see the "fucking bastard's" name, but he didn't find it until the fifth page.

"_I dreamt with Tai again, last dream was awful, and didn't write it because it was dumb, but last night, oh, last night… I wish the illusion wouldn't fade so quickly, I can't remember details anymore…"_

Tai. Was he the "fucking bastard"? He was indeed the principal character of the diary. The reason he thought it would be interesting to read it was because when he opened it the first time, the pages flip into some numbers list, really weird list, with numbers crossed and some of them circled. He wanted to look for Takeru's number in that list, but now, after reading a few more pages, it was obvious it wouldn't be there, because no one writes his own number in his own diary.

A few more lines while sipping his soda:

"_Fucking Daisuke can be really annoying when he wants, I ever wondered if he really dislike gay or is kind of gay himself. Yesterday I caught him looking at Ken after we left cinema, and that joke about condoms… oh, I don't get why I hang out with him…"_

Random stuff was driving Tai dizzy…

"_I learned something new last night, when I first met Kyo I thought it would be one of those boring fucks of housewives, but oh my, I didn't have idea. No wonder why experience is better than knowledge…"_

Then the brunette arrived to the numbers list, which appeared to be telephone numbers, they were of course. He tried to recognize any of them, but couldn't. Maybe the circled ones were the ones he already fucked with. The crossed ones were those he didn't like. When he turned over the page, he found one single number, but didn't look like a telephone number, but more just like a bank account one.

-Bet you have thousands, little prick… - Tai couldn't help thinking this, as Takeru's life was very simple and rather humble. He wondered what did he planned to do with that, but found his answer in the next diary pages.

"_I thought coke was good, but this… oh so splendid! I never felt this free and powerful… it just took off my mind away and throw it near the sea, floating and swimming in the deeps ends of ocean… it takes the pain away, all kinds of pain, my heart pain because I can't have what I want, and my ass pain because I get what I don't want… well, I do, but sometimes I get sick of it. I wouldn't ever get sick of what my heart wants… I pity myself."_

"He's in love with me…" Tai felt a cramp in his stomach, as he imagined the blond writing over those pages, wrapped in his bed covers after a long night of "work" and felt pity for him. This kid really needed help, and somehow, Tai found his little secret and his name was written among other terrible stuff.

His glass was now empty. And it was already night. He didn't know he was going to do. He only knew he had to do something. But something was stopping him. He flipped another page and arrived to the last one which had been written:

"_Why did he call last night? That is the only question yelling in my head. As I know we don't have any kind of shared business more than being the sibling of his boyfriend. But it was 3:00am. At least Shigure didn't ask for it, explanations at that hour wouldn't be very welcomed. Now I don't know if I should ask for the motive of his call, or wait until he asks…"_

Tai suddenly came up with an idea, so he could fulfill two things at the same time. One find out the truth, and the other… well, he wanted to find another truth inside of him, the reason of that cramp earlier and what he felt when Takeru's number appeared in his cell phone screen that day. But first, he had something to finish with Yamato.

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- Akira, it's a miracle you appear here that often! - The bartender seemed surprised as he politely asked Takeru to sit in his favorite spot.

- Well, I'm not here for business you know… - Takeru seemed doomed, tired and untidy, not the usual he would look at the club.

- I guess not, but, what happened? Are you ok?

- I need a place to stay – The young boy explained himself and empathized with the older one, and while sipping at the beer he was offered, a smile on the bartender was a relief in those moments.

-There's a second floor in here, but you know who you have to ask for it –an scolding expression didn't seem kind enough, but Takeru knew perfectly how this worked, and because they had been nice to him, and didn't ask for an expensive fee, he was willing to pay what it was needed.

-Where is he?

-Back

-Can I have another beer? –Takeru's eyes were almost like puppie's eyes.

-You know you can't drink in here. That one was only because you look like shit. Now get inside before someone comes.

Takeru finished his beer to the bottom, he felt dizzy, maybe it was abstinence's fault. He couldn't blame any other thing, rather than well, that he was running away from home. And now he had to face the one who had requested for his services more than twice, but Takeru had to refuse because what that man asked was something he wouldn't allow himself to do ever. No matter how many nasty things he had done, this thing was not nasty at all, but he was hoping, that at least, he could save that for his true love. Now that everything was lost, he was encouraged by his need, his abstinence syndrome, and his lack of hope.

The owner of the place was sitting in his office, working at his laptop, wearing a very expensive suit, when he heard a knock at his door.

-Akira, what a surpise.

-I know I shouldn't be here but… - Takeru looked very embarrassing, but suddenly the business man stood up and offered him a drink and to sit in the comfy leather couches. Classical music were played as the sound of bass from outside sounded behind.

-You are always welcomed here Akira. Is there something I can do for you?

-I need a place to stay, for a while. Rod said that…

-The second floor. Yeah. I knew he would offer it to someone someday. Of course you can stay, but, you know, this is not a brothel. And it will have a cost.

-I know

-You know what cost.

Takeru was waiting for this to arrive. He hadn't thought of excuses and was not willing to look for another place to stay. He nodded and then shrugged.

-You've just said this is not a brothel.

-But I'm the owner my dear Akira. You know how much I like you and I can't understand why you accept any other guy but me. Am I too ugly? Too old? Haven't I offered you much more money than you usually ask?

Takeru closed his eyes for a second and tightened his lips. He was lost. He reminded himself that he was alone. Didn't have any one to trust in, just in the guy who was in front of him.

-Kian, I'm a minor. I'm a drug addict and a whore. And now I'm running away from home because I've been caught and I don't want to give explanations to anybody. I don't want to explain you why I didn't want to be with you, but now I'm tired, and dirty and in abstinence. I just want to lie down and think what am I going to do with my life. So if you want to cover your fee, it's fine, I'll give you what you want. This is the only place I have. You are the only one I can trust in. Don't make me pass a rough night.

Kian was a man of word. He wasn't a pervert as you may have thought. And he was not bad looking. Not even old. Could almost be in his thirties. He was not married and he was not gay. But he liked to have fun. His crush on Takeru was almost childish because he could have had him whenever he wanted to, but Kian didn't like drugs, and he wanted something deeper with the blond rather than fucks and payments. Now being cruel with the younger one made himself feel awful.

-I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Takeru was almost bursting tears, but he hold back. His face was really twisted trying not to cry, but couldn't help it when Kian hold him tightly in an embrace that longed for minutes, while the blond let his tears flow away and sobbing and trembling. He felt ashamed to get the older man's suit wet, but was comforted by the bar owner kindly.

-I've always wanted you to be my boyfriend, Akira, and I don't want you to believe I'm forcing you to be with me only because I'm letting you stay. When you feel ready you can make your own choices. The only thing I can do for you now is giving you a roof and food. I hope you don't get bored with those hot wings you'll eat everyday…

Both men laughed out loud. Kian still holding Takeru, while the other stopped his sobs.

-I appreciate it. I thought you were going to rape me or something…

-What the…? Oh Akira, your mind is sooo twisted. Come, I'll show you the place.

While they were climbing upstairs Takeru being followed by Kian, the blond asked.

-How old are you anyway Kian?

-Why do you ask?

-I never thought you wanted me as a boyfriend. Not since I'm a kid.

-You're not a kid Akira, you've grew up so fast your body can't match your mind. But anyways, I'm 24.

-I expected a 30.

-What? Oh, well, you can't have the place, sorry… I can't forgive you that… - Kian started to climb down the stairs in a joke mode. They were laughing and chatting as they arrived to the so-called floor.

-What do you think?

A huge room with large windows appeared behind the wooden door. The sight was amazing. There were few furniture but there was a bed and a kitchen and a little living room with a TV set. A desk was near the main window, with some sheets spread over and a pencil and a cell phone over it.

-Do you..?

-Yes, sometimes.

-But I don't want to…

-Don't worry; I have my real house, in which you can always stay too.

Takeru walked across the room and felt himself happy. He just hoped his relief wouldn't be vanished in an instant. Kian was being nice, but he was still his shop keeper. He had to pay fee monthly. But now that he was not supposed to work anymore, he didn't know what he was going to do.

-It's really nice, thank you.

-I'm glad you like it. Rod wanted to live here, but I refused. I thought maybe I will need it for something more important. Feel free to bring your things over whenever you want.

-Uh, I don't have any more stuff.

-Well, in that case, you stay in your house. I have work to do, so, just… I don't know. Oh and I'm really sorry but I can't allow you to be downstairs at the bar, even if you live here, rules are rules.

-Ok, I get it. And… by the way, my true name is Takeru, Takeru Takaishi.

- Takeru uh?, I like Akira better, but, thanks for trusting me your true name.

He smiled and turned over his heels, headed to the door and climb down. Takeru heard the heavy door close as he throw himself over the TV couch.

"What the hell am I gonna do now?"

End of chapter 5

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**Comment: Maybe it takes years to upload this, but there is still hope. Yes...**


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